I found myself going deep down a rabbit hole and looking at pictures I took a couple of years ago.
The memories of this time fill me with unbelievable happiness. I spent a lot of time TWIRLING with happiness. I was literally coated in rainbows from head to toe. My house was bright and fun and I woke up every day ridiculously ENERGIZED and ready to create and spread joy. And I didn’t care what other people thought of me.
I started feeling nostalgic about the most carefree time of my life, when I really felt like ME.
Where did she go?! Why did my rainbow dull in the past couple of years?
I used to spend hours and hours staring at Pinterest, Instagram, and blogs and see other colourful folks. They were more colourful, more popular, had better pictures that other people drooled over. Then I would look at my pictures, which I initially LOVED, and then found myself picking out flaws. Does it match my grid, aesthetic, will I get enough likes, lose 10 followers, is it the perfect time, am I having TOO much fun on a work day? There are hundreds of fun pictures that I never shared because they started giving me such horrendous anxiety.
I felt like a sad cloud overcame me and I felt lost in a world of popularity and perfectionism. I decided to take a break from Instagram earlier this year because the culture was affecting me so much.
Fortunately, the Instagram break worked wonders for me! I finally had time to THINK rationally, and realized life doesn’t revolve around posting to the internet. I can have fun and be colourful without having to share it or justify what I’m doing. Posting should be a way to share your joy, not to leach joy. With that in mind, I find myself filling with happiness and colour once again!
I might return to Instagram, and just post for my OWN sake. I’ll never be the most anything. And that’s SO DARN GREAT!
This is where I vow to never let other peoples’ lives influence what I love! Don’t let a dark cloud influence you in the wrong direction. Be your own rainbow!